


you are the best thing that’s ever been mine

by melodypond_thewomanwhomarriedme



Category: Doctor Who RPF
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Romance, Romantic Fluff, They are so in love, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, trying to make their relationship exciting again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-02
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:35:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22989454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melodypond_thewomanwhomarriedme/pseuds/melodypond_thewomanwhomarriedme
Summary: He thinks back to the last time they made love. It had been a few weeks ago, after a party. They'd gotten slightly drunk together and it had ended in a round of sex. Before that, it had been even longer. He realises with mounting horror that in six months he'd only had sex with his wife eight times.He tries to rationalise it - six months ago they were both working on separate projects, on different schedules, it was hard to even find the time to fall asleep together - but shouldn't that have made them more desperate for each other? He can't help but think about how it was just a few years ago, when they were newly married - how deeply he yearned for her by his side, every night, how he didn't waste a minute once she was within reach.And now he hardly does anything about it.
Relationships: Alex Kingston/Matt Smith
Comments: 32
Kudos: 58





	1. your love is more than worth its weight in gold

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!! This is a short story, only three or four chapters max. I just wanted to post something to tell you guys that I’m really sorry that updates are slow for my other stories, but I’ve been stressed because of the COVID-19 spread that’s taking over my country. Please stay safe everyone, and remember to wash your hands and practice basic hygiene!  
> Special thank you to my lovely beta, Bernie, for correcting all my mistakes :)  
> Story title from ‘Mine’ by Taylor Swift  
> Chapter title from ‘Say You Won’t Let Go’ by James Arthur

Matt settles down on the couch with a bottle of beer, smiling excitedly at the TV. Alex is on The Graham Norton Show today, promoting the second season of her TV series. She's been preparing for the show for weeks; she even let him pick out the dress she's wearing for it - a dark green one with a low neckline. It had driven him mad when he first saw it, envisioning her in it. She looks spectacular.

Graham calls Alex out and she appears on the screen, her skin glowing and her hair as humongous as ever. The other guests settle down on either side of her after exchanging pleasantries.

Matt watches the episode with a smile, paying extra attention to Alex. She'd been a little nervous beforehand, after a long break from appearing on late night talk shows. Her tendency to overshare whenever she's on them had played a large part in her anxiety. But she appears to be really enjoying herself, her shoulders are relaxed and she's laughing freely, even cracking a few jokes with the host. 

"Now, let's move on to Heather. Exciting news, ladies and gentlemen," Graham says, turning in his chair to grab something out of the cupboard under his counter. "She's got a new book out!"

He presents a copy of the new book as the audience cheers. He lays it down on his lap and leafs through the pages, looking at Heather. "I've read it, of course, but I'm not really sure how to describe it - it's not exactly a memoir, is it?"

"No, well - it's a love story, really," says the woman, tucking her hair behind her ear. "I've been married to my husband, Henry, for almost thirty years now. I wanted to write about how making human connections can save your life. It doesn't have to be romantic," she adds, addressing the audience. "I write about platonic love and the importance of that too. But I did mostly draw experience from my time with Henry."

"And presumably - like you said, you've been married thirty years almost - presumably it must be hard to surprise each other now?" Graham asks. 

"It's brilliant," she beams at him. "We know each other so well that it does become a challenge, but when we do manage to surprise each other - it's a wonderful feeling."

"And Heather is not the only happily married woman on the couch this evening," Graham announces to the audience, gesturing towards Alex as a picture of her and Matt at the BAFTAs last year appear on the screen behind him. "Ms Alex Kingston, how long has it been since you've become Mrs Smith?"

"Almost at seven years now. It's really been wonderful, he's such a charmer," Alex replies, and though the smile on her face is perfectly normal, Matt can't help but recognise the showbiz pretence it has. He frowns as he continues watching. "Obviously we're hoping to last as long as you, Heather, but it isn't as easy as it looks."

"Oh, of course not, darling, relationships with men are often full of frustration," Heather quips, and the audience laughs along. "But as long as you've got the romance and the passion and the respect that you deserve from one another, then you know you've got the right one."

The camera isn't focused on Alex, but Matt can see the moment the light sparkle in her eyes dims. She looks down at her lap, at the wedding ring on her left hand, and an almost worried look on her face appears before she remembers that cameras are still on her. She straightens up and smiles, tuning into the conversation going on around her again. 

Matt, on the other hand, can't seem to tune into anything. His brain keeps going over the expression on Alex's face when Heather was talking about romance and passion. She'd looked so concerned, almost disappointed, and Matt can't help but feel that maybe something is wrong and he hasn't been paying enough attention to notice. 

He thinks back to the last time they made love. It had been a few weeks ago, after a party. They'd gotten slightly drunk together and it had ended in a round of sex. Before that, it had been even longer. He realises with mounting horror that in six months he'd only had sex with his wife eight times. 

He tries to rationalise it - six months ago they were both working on separate projects, on different schedules, it was hard to even find the time to fall asleep together - but shouldn't that have made them more desperate for each other? He can't help but think about how it was just a few years ago, when they were newly married - how deeply he yearned for her by his side, every night, how he didn't waste a minute once she was within reach. 

And now he hardly does anything about it. 

And sure, they were on different schedules, but that had only lasted four months. What excuse did he have for the last two months? Alex was busy with promotions but he's been free for all that time, going out with his friends and appearing at parties. Alex had always been supportive of his lifestyle, even going out with him every so often. But she hasn't been out with him in a while. 

He knows he kisses her every opportunity he gets. He tells her he loves her every day before she leaves, and sometimes when he's feeling particularly romantic, he sends her small red hearts in his text messages. But all of that must not be enough, because the look on Alex's face would suggest otherwise. 

"Shit," he whispers to himself. 

He grabs his phone, intent on calling her before realising she's still on stage and her phone must be in the dressing room. He settles for a text message, taking a picture of her on the screen and drawing a heart around her face for emphasis. 

_ You're doing great, wife. Come home soon. xxx _

He debates adding a heart to the end of the text too, but decided against it. Alex will know that something is wrong if he comes on too strong, and he doesn't want her to overthink it - not until he knows what she's feeling for sure. 

He can't help but feel foolish. Has Alex really been worried about their relationship this entire time? How long has it been since she started feeling this way? How long has he been blissfully unaware of his wife's growing concerns over their marriage? He must be a horrible husband to not even  _ notice  _ how unromantic and passionless their lives have become. 

He mulls over everything, every little interaction they've had. Could he have made everything better? He knows he's probably overthinking it - for all he knows, he misread Alex's expression and everything is fine between them - but now even he realises that they haven't done anything together as a couple outside of the public eye in ages. And it worries him. He doesn't like it.

He is distracted for the rest of the show, barely listening to anything the other guests or the host is saying. He doesn't touch his beer once, his hands too busy fiddling with the ring on his left hand. He knows that he just needs to talk to Alex and that's all he can focus on.

He stares at his ring, barely aware of the minutes ticking by until his phone sounds. He startles, realising that the show has been over for almost two full minutes and grabbing his phone to look at the new notification.

_ I'm on my way. Wait up for me? xxx _

His nerves slightly relieved, his fingers move quickly over his phone, typing out a message. 

_ Of course. Love you. xxx _

She doesn't reply.

*

He waits anxiously, constantly looking at the time on his phone, his wallpaper of Alex looking angelic taunting him. Her smile still makes him melt, and he's so glad that she still has that effect on him. She might never lose it. 

He just wants to know if he still has that effect on her.

The key turns in the lock and he springs up immediately, watching as she kicks off her shoes and throws her keys into a dish they keep on the counter. She sees him and her eyes are bright, and he feels a small wave of relief wash over him. If she can still look at him like  _ that,  _ then it must not be as bad as he thought. 

"You were wonderful tonight," he says softly, helping her out of her coat and taking her handbag from her. 

"Managed not to let anything slip about our sex life," she jokes, but he flinches at the reminder that she wouldn't really have anything to joke about. 

"Have you eaten?" he asks, changing the subject quickly. 

"Yes. I think I'll just jump in the shower and go to bed. I've got to be up early for that morning show." she says, heading towards their bedroom. 

He follows behind her. "Alright, I'll get ready for bed too."

She throws a surprised look over her shoulder at him. "No football match tonight?"

"Nah, I can watch the rerun." he says, getting into the shower with her and preparing his toothbrush while she strips naked. "I'm quite knackered too."

"Oh? What did you do while I was gone?" she asks, stepping into the shower. The hot water steams the partition up and he can't get a good look at her. He turns back to the mirror, feeling slightly annoyed and disappointed.

"Few emails. Ian sent me a few roles to look at, thought I'd better clear them up before he gets tetchy." he says through his mouthful of foamy toothpaste. 

"So you sat and looked at a screen all day? No wonder you're exhausted," she teases, and he glares at her through the partition. 

"Oi, watch that smart mouth or I'll go in there, " he warns, but as soon as the words leave his mouth he realises how suggestive they sound. She makes a mildly unintelligible noise and he is saved a response. He quickly finishes brushing his teeth and goes to wait for her on the bed. 

He is silent as she goes about her night routine. He watches her and she doesn't seem to mind, or even realise that his eyes are on her. He's trying to think of a way to approach the situation without making a big deal out of it, just in case it turns out to be him reading too much into things. But he doesn't want to be flippant about it either. This is their lives together,their relationship. 

He only gets the courage to speak up when she climbs into bed with him. 

"Alex?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you alright?" 

She turns to him, frowning. "What do you mean?"

"As in… are  _ we  _ alright?" he asks tentatively, watching her carefully. 

"We are, aren't we?" she asks, and he can tell that she's examining his own face as well, trying to guess what's going on. 

"I don't know," he admits. 

She remains silent for a while, her frown deepening even more. 

"What's wrong, darling?" she asks quietly, and the concern on her face makes him feel so much better. 

"It was the show. The interview," he clarifies. "When that - the author was talking about passion and romance and respect being crucial to a relationship. You - you were looking at your ring and the look on your face - I don't know - is there something you're not getting, Alex? Because I'll give it to you, you know that, right?"

"Darling," she whispers, reaching out to touch his face gently. She smiles softly at him, the same smile that makes him melt, the same smile that reminds him that he can't ever bear to be without her. "It's okay. I know you love me, and that's enough."

"But - but you must know that it's okay if it isn't," he insists, reaching up to circle his fingers around her wrist. "If you're not satisfied, we can work together on this. I - I want you to be  _ happy _ with me."

"I  _ am  _ happy. You make me happy," she reassures him, but he can tell that she's holding something back. 

"But?" he prompts, looking at her seriously. 

She stays silent for a moment, her lips pressed into a thin line. He knows she's thinking carefully about what to say. She doesn't want to hurt his feelings. But knowing that she might be unsatisfied with their marriage is enough hurt for him. All he wants is for everything to be okay with them. 

"I know we're both busy. And it's really,  _ really _ hard to make plans with our jobs. But I do wish we could do something - I don't know, new or exciting every once in a while," she confesses, taking a few pauses to word her speech correctly. Her thumb swipes across his cheek, her hand still resting comfortably on his face. "I love you, darling, but we've both been so busy - I can't remember the last time we went out for ourselves and not for a work thing."

He presses a kiss to the inside of her wrist, his grip tightening around it. "What do you suggest we do about it?"

"I - well, I don't really know, to be honest," she admits. "I'm going to be really busy for the next few weeks, so we won't be able to really do anything then. Maybe we can think of something afterwards?"

"Would you like it if I planned a holiday for us to go on, after your promotions?" he asks, turning her hand over and interlocking their fingers together. "You've always wanted to go to Indonesia. They've got beautiful resorts in Bali."

A small sparkle of excitement returns to her eyes at the suggestion. "Darling, I would absolutely love that." she beams at him, and he presses a kiss to the back of her hand. "I'll let you know once I have the dates."

"I love you, Kingston," he whispers, tugging her closer to him. She lays her head on his chest and he wraps an arm around her. "So, so much. I wish you would have told me that you're feeling unhappy instead of waiting around for me to notice. We both know I'm an oblivious dolt."

She chuckles against his chest. "You're not a dolt," she says. Shrugging slightly, she continues, "I don't know - I guess I didn't really know what was missing until Heather pointed it out. I didn't realise either, darling, so don't go beating yourself up about it."

He nods once, though he isn't really convinced. "Okay, if you say so."

"Really, it isn't your fault," she insists, starting to draw patterns on his stomach with her index finger. "Well, it isn't  _ entirely  _ your fault. We share the blame on this one, darling."

Sighing slightly, he starts weaving his fingers through her curls, massaging her head lightly. She cuddles further into him, and he feels her pressing a kiss to his abdomen. 

"I really love you too," she whispers back finally. He smiles, the same tender smile he wore the first time he heard those words from her mouth; the same tender smile he wore on their wedding day; the same tender smile he wears every single time he hears her say it, because he will never get tired of it. He will never tire of the fact that the most amazing woman in the universe chose him to be her partner for life. "I'm so lucky to have someone like you, Matt. You've no idea how completely rare you are."

His heart feels full to bursting with love for her, and the sudden urge to keep her in his arms forever and ever surges through him like a rush of adrenaline he can't control. Pushing her gently off so that she lifts her head, he sits up a little and reaches for her, pulling her in for a long, passionate kiss. 

As he kisses her thoroughly, exploring her mouth with his tongue, he can't help but realise that they haven't even done  _ this  _ in a while. They haven't made out in ages - and he needs to fix it. Very soon. 

Now, perhaps. 

He sits up fully and pulls her into his lap, helping her wrap her legs around his waist. Their mouths never leave each other - he keeps his arms firmly around her until she's comfortable on top of him. 

She moans softly as their tongues twist around one another, and he lifts a hand and runs it through her hair. Her own hands cup his neck, stroking his skin gently. 

They haven't kissed like this in ages - he's almost forgotten how good it felt. How could he have spent the last few months kissing her sporadically every single day but never make out with his wife? He must be a royal fucking idiot to never notice. 

Their lips meet again and again and again, both of them unwilling to stop but equally unwilling to take it further just in case they won't be able to come back from it. They know that they don't have the time - Alex has to be up very early tomorrow for work, and they don't want it to be rushed and unsatisfying. So even though neither of them really want to stop, their kiss starts to slow down to a natural end.

Both their lips are red and swollen once they finally part. They gaze at each other with their foreheads pressed together and matching foolish grins on their faces. Usually, Matt would tease Alex for having such a lovesick look on her face but he knows for a fact that he's wearing the exact same expression on his. Multiplied by a thousand. 

She leans in for a small peck, pulling away quickly. 

"New rule," he whispers hoarsely. "We're doing that every single day from now on."

She grins even wider at him. "Fine by me."

He brings both his hands up, cupping her cheeks gently and mustering the most tender look he can manage. He wants to pour his entire heart into his gaze, because he can't find any word extraordinary enough to describe how much love he feels for her. 

Alex always makes him speechless. It's been that way since the day they met, since their first date and their first kiss; their first time together and the first time they shared 'I love you's'. Their wedding day had been particularly difficult, having to verbalise the way she made him feel in front of their friends and family. But he'd managed. 

Now, he can't think of anything. He can only feel his heart brimming over with love, entirely for his wife. He can only feel her hands on his chest, feeling his heartbeat. He can only feel her gaze - the love that comes from her eyes, love for him - sometimes he can't quite believe it. Not only does he love someone, but he has the immense pleasure of knowing that it's reciprocated, in equal intensity. He can only feel  _ her _ , and that is the only thing he will ever need to feel for the rest of his life.

"I love you, sweetheart," he whispers simply, and the corners of her mouth upturn slightly. "I know that you know that, but it bears reminding."

"I'll never get tired of hearing it," she whispers back, smiling sweetly at him. 

"Good. And I promise to fix - well, whatever this is," he vows seriously. "And return that lovely smile to your face once more."

"Oh, darling," she sighs happily, leaning her head on his shoulder. "It was never really lost."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m going to try and update this as quickly as possible, and now that looks to be about around two to three weeks’ time. I hope that you guys enjoyed reading, and please tell me what you think in the comments!!! Thank you xxx


	2. go to the ends of the earth for you, to make you feel my love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy quarantine fortnight! stay safe everyone. thank you for the wonderful comments last chap. 
> 
> Chapter title from Make You Feel My Love by Adele

Over the next few weeks he slowly builds up his surprises. He first arranges for flowers to be sent to her everyday wherever she happens to be - roses, orchids and sunflowers, her favourites. The smile that appears on her face is well worth it. 

He takes it a little further by adding chocolates into the mix. She loves those little Hershey's Kisses, so he buys those specially for her. She moans about gaining weight eating all the chocolate, but he knows she doesn't really care about that - she's enjoying the attention, and he plans to continue. 

He adds personalised cards to the flowers. Just a few corny jokes meant to make Alex laugh, maybe a few poems he finds online that makes him think of her, or a few quotes about love that perfectly describes how he feels about her. He sort of wishes he could see her face whenever she reads them - to see a surprised look, or a tender, loving smile, or a fond twinkle in her eye, or maybe a combination of all three. 

The next obvious step is to deliver the flowers in person. He knows that it might be a really bad idea to meddle with the scheduling, but with the help of her agent he manages to make it work.. 

He arrives at the shoot just in time to hear the photographer call for lunch. With a bouquet of deep red roses, chocolates and a card tucked in his hand, he watches the four leads of the series in formal dress as they walk from the set back towards hair and makeup to carefully take off their outfits. 

He waits patiently at the vanities, hiding behind racks of clothing so Alex won't spot him. She's chatting merrily with the other female lead, a young actress in her twenties, as people from wardrobe help unzip the gowns they're wearing, leaving Alex in a simple undershirt. As she moves to get into the trailer to change, Matt sneaks up behind her. 

"I prefer this outfit," he says quietly in her ear, making her jump and gasp in surprise as she whirls around and smacks him in the arm. 

"I hate you," she says, when she realises it's just him. There’s a smile on her face but still she pouts at having been caught off guard by him. "You could give a girl a heart attack like that, Matt, it's not funny."

"It is a bit, though," he says cheekily, and she smiles reluctantly as she rolls her eyes at him. 

"What are you doing here?" she asks, climbing into her trailer and letting him in. He closes the door behind him and sits on a chair as she starts putting on the clothes he'd seen her leave the house in this morning. "I thought you had a meeting with Ian?"

"I have a little bit of time till then, thought I'd come and surprise you," he gestures towards the flowers. She beams at him and picks them up, unwrapping the chocolate and popping it into her mouth with a satisfied smile. 

"Thank you, darling," she sighs happily, breathing the flowers in. "I love these so much."

"There's a card too," he points out. 

She plucks the card from the bouquet and reads it, the smile on her face widening steadily the further down she reads. 

_ Roses are red, _

_ They're very thorny _

_ When I'm with you _

_ I get very horny _

She lets out a full chuckle, bending down to kiss his head thanks. 

"I love it," she says, in between laughs. She sits down on his lap and presses a chaste kiss on his lips. "It's perfect, darling, thank you." 

"I'm glad you liked it," he whispers, their lips only an inch apart. 

"Thank you," she says again, pressing her forehead to his and wrapping her arms around his shoulders. "I can see how hard you're trying and I appreciate it so much, Matt, really. I love you."

He shrugs. "It's really nice seeing you like this," he whispers back. "Reminds me of when we were dating and I was trying so hard to get you to see me as a real option."

She grins at the memories. "I really made it hard for you, didn't I?"

"It was worth every single moment of it, though," he tells her, leaning up to nudge her nose with his. "So very worth it."

"I've got a surprise for you too," she says. "But it's not quite ready yet."

He'd been so caught up in planning small surprises for Alex that he'd completely forgotten that this entire thing was a two-way street. It didn't occur to him that Alex must've been working on something too, and suddenly his entire body floods with excitement. 

"Is it sexy?" he asks her, his voice low. 

Her eyes turn dark and there's a naughty sparkle in them as she answers. " _ Very  _ sexy." she says, lowering her own voice to match his tone. 

"Ooh, I can't wait," he grins at her in excitement, his grip around her waist tightening a bit. "Can I have a hint?"

She frowns thoughtfully. "Well, let's just say it's extremely sexy, but also very romantic. Two birds, one stone kind of thing."

"You say that but you could make anything sexy, Kingston," he says seriously. "Doesn't really narrow down the list."

"You'll just have to use your imagination then," she sing-songs, her smile cryptic. 

"Minx."

"You love it."

"Never said I didn't."

A soft smile appears on her face, and he returns it. “Do you have time to have lunch with me?” She asks hopefully, her fingers stroking the back of his neck gently. 

He gives her a regretful look. “No, I’m sorry love,” he starts, pressing another chaste kiss to his lips. “I’ve got about fifteen minutes to spare until the car’s coming round to pick me up.”

She pouts, and Matt can’t help but kiss the sad look off her face once more. “It’s alright. I can stay with you till then.”

“How long is your lunch?” He asks.

“I’ve got about an hour and a half for lunch. The boys are having their solo shoots first,” she explains. “I can definitely spare fifteen minutes for you, darling.”

“God, I love you,” he sighs happily, their lips meeting again. 

She smiles against his mouth, responding enthusiastically to his kisses. She moans slightly as his tongue strokes across her lips, parting them and allowing him to enter. Her hand travels upwards slightly to grip his hair as she kisses him with even more hunger, and his grip on her waist tightens as he tries to pull her closer even though it’s physically impossible - he just wants her near him. 

Her other hand starts creeping up his stomach, moving his shirt along with her. His heart beating even faster in his chest, all too aware of the fact that they really haven’t done this in a while. He loves her, he wants her so much - his lips stray from hers down to her neck, suckling on her skin softly. 

Just as she lets out a soft, greedy moan, a loud knock interrupts them. 

Sighing in disappointment and hiding his face on her shoulder, he hears Alex attempt to catch her breath as she calls out.

“Who is it?”

“Alex, it’s Esme,” a woman’s voice calls out. “What’s taking you so long? Do you still wanna get lunch together?”

“Shit,” Alex curses, as Matt lifts his head to meet her eyes. “I’m  _ so _ sorry, Matt, I completely forgot - ”

“Go,” he tells her, and she pauses, looking at him as if she doesn’t know if he really wants her to go. “It’s alright. We can continue some other time - when we have more than fifteen minutes.”

She sighs sadly. “I’m sorry, darling.” She says apologetically, kissing his cheek and lingering slightly. “Thank you for the flowers and the chocolates. And the card. I love them.”

“Alex?” The voice calls out again.

“Give me two minutes, Esme, I’ll be right out,” she replies, shouting at the door. She turns to Matt again and runs her hands through his hair, smiling fondly at him. “I love you so much, Matt. You are utterly perfect.”

His smile widens and he raises his hand to cup her cheek gently, his thumb stroking her skin. Alex will be busy for the next three weeks and he suspects that this might be the last time they’ll really be able to talk to each other. Doing promotions has always tired Alex, even more so than shootings. He hopes to surprise her with something extraordinary when she’s finally free. 

“I try my best for you,” he says softly. “Thank God it’s enough.”

“It’s more than enough, darling,” she assures him, pressing another soft kiss to his lips and climbing out of his lap carefully. “It’s everything, truly.”

He clasps her hand in his and kisses the back of it gently as she leads him forwards to open the door. 

“Sorry, Esme,” Alex apologises to her young co-star waiting outside. As the woman looks up from her phone, Alex nudges Matt forward and he offers his hand to Alex’s friend, whom Matt recognizes from the photoshoot. “This is my husband, Matt. Honey, this is Esmeralda, she plays my adopted daughter in the show.”

Esme’s eyes light up with recognition when she fixes them on Matt. “Oh wow, what a lovely surprise,” she says, shaking his hand enthusiastically. “Are you here to accompany Alex, or?”

“Oh no, no, I’ve got a meeting to attend in a few. But I thought it would be nice to drop by and see my lovely wife for a while,” he explains, gesturing to Alex. Esme’s smile widens. “She tells me she has lunch plans with you, so -”

“Oh Alex, if you’d rather go with Matt, I really won’t mind,” she offers quickly, but Matt cuts in.

“Oh no, you ladies enjoy your lunch, I’ve got a car coming to pick me up in about ten minutes,” he says to Esme, squeezing Alex’s hand. 

“No chance of you postponing your meeting?” Alex asks, her eyes hopeful even though she knows there’s really no chance of it being rescheduled.

“Sorry, love,” he says quietly to her, pressing a kiss to her hair. “But I’ll see you at home, yeah?” He turns to Esme. “It’s really nice to meet you.”

“You too,” she says, her smile friendly. 

“Bye, darling,” Alex says to him, tiptoeing to kiss his cheek. Her eyes are sad and he hates that he has to leave, but he does. He smiles apologetically as he lets go of her hand. “I’ll see you at home.”

“See you, love,” he says quietly, trying to convey how much he wants to stay with his eyes. He starts walking backwards, still facing Alex. “I miss you already!”

“Turn around, Matt, or you’re gonna hit something!” She calls out.

“Nope, I’m perfectly fine looking at you, Kingston!” He shouts back, still continuing to walk backwards. He has no idea where he’s going but the look of amusement on her face makes it hard for him to stop. There are still people from wardrobe, hair and makeup milling about, and they’re giving him funny looks as he shouts towards Alex. “That’s my wife, everybody! Alex Kingston is my wife!”

“Matthew, shut up!” She shouts back, her face red with fond embarrassment. Esme is looking on with the biggest smile on her face, clearly finding everything Matt is doing endearing. “Stop embarrassing yourself, for God’s sake!”

“Nothing embarrassing about Alex Kingston being the love of my life!” He shouts even louder, as he gets further and further away from her. Several people have started to stare at him with a huge grin on their faces, looking for Alex’s reaction too. “Take note, everyone! That gorgeous, enchanting, sexy woman is my wife and no one else can have her!”

He sees her covering her face, clearly embarrassed but he knows that she loves it. She shakes her head at him as he blows a kiss towards her, making a heart shape with his arms curved above his head. She bites her lip, a smile threatening to break through as he finally turns and heads towards the lobby of the building. 

He receives a text a moment later.

_ I hate you. _

He smiles at his phone. He can’t wait to surprise her even more.

*

The next three weeks go by agonisingly slow; in that time, Matt only gets to see Alex when she wakes up early in the morning, and late at night when she comes home from an interview, exhausted. She always snuggles up to him, her nose buried in his chest, and he always wraps his arms around her as they fall asleep. It's the only time they can get any intimacy. 

Matt can see that Alex is really ready for promotions to end. Her eyes get sadder and sadder every time she leaves in the morning and she hugs him tighter every time she comes back, grateful to have him around. She's been telling him about her castmates, how all of them have gotten so much closer while doing interviews together, and that she can't wait for him to meet the others at the premiere. 

He double and triple checks her schedule, making sure his surprise doesn't clash with anything important. His agent has just informed him that he's booked a role in a big Hollywood production, so he needs to be careful when planning things. 

One night, five days before her last day of promotions, she asks him a question he hadn't been expecting. 

"Darling, we haven't really talked about the… sexy part of the surprise," she says slowly, clearly hesitant. He raises an eyebrow at her in question. "It's just - do you have anything that you would like to try? In the bedroom?"

Taken by surprise, he frowns. "I'm - I mean, I haven't really thought of it," he replies honestly. "You don't have to do anything special, Alex, really. You always drive me crazy, even when you're not trying."

"Well, it wouldn't really be anything new…" she says, frowning to herself. "Are you sure there's nothing?"

He pauses, thinking. He's been sexually satisfied with Alex ever since they got together - during their first months as a couple, they'd tried some pretty kinky things together to satisfy each other's curiosity. But ever since then, he hasn't felt the urge to change anything between them. 

"You can ask me for anything, you know," Alex adds, as the silence stretches between them. "There's not much I won't be comfortable trying with you."

He smiles at her tenderly. "I know, sweetheart. You just always keep me satisfied."

"Why don't you think about it and let me know?" she says, leaning up to press a kiss to his jaw. 

He nods absent-mindedly as she snuggled back into his arms and lays on his chest, closing her eyes. 

That had been two days ago. He's thought long and hard about Alex's question - he even went online just to give himself some ideas. Now they're laying in bed again, about to go to sleep. 

"Remember that question you asked me?" he starts tentatively.

Alex beams up at him expectantly. "Have you thought about it?"

"I have," he confirms. "And I do have some things I want to try with you. But you can say no to any of them, or all of them. It's not really important for us to do any of - "

"I wouldn't've asked if I didn't want to," she points out gently. She raises her hand to his chest, stroking him there slowly. "Just tell me, darling. No judgement, promise."

"Okay. So," he looks down at her. They haven't had a conversation like this in a really long time. He's quite forgotten how to start. "I was thinking - do you remember our honeymoon?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you remember… what I did? With your rabbit?" he asks, his cheeks reddening slightly as she raises an eyebrow. "I really liked just… watching you."

"You did?" she says, and he nods. "That's easy enough, darling. Anything else?"

"I wouldn't mind being tied up for you," he confesses, and her eyes widen in surprise as a gleeful smile lights her face. "I went through a small phase before you, and I know my way around a chastity belt and a cock ring - "

"I can't believe you never told me this before," she says, lifting her head from his chest to look at him. "I always thought you'd be the one interested in tying me up."

"I am, sometimes," he says. "But I would love for you to be the one in charge."

She grins widely at him. "That can be arranged."

"What about you? Anything you want to try?" he asks her, pulling her down again. 

"Do you remember when we first bought this house? And you would take me by surprise and announce that we're christening whatever room we were in?" she says, and he smiles fondly at the memory. "I quite liked it. I missed it once we were done with the house."

"You liked me surprising you and taking you in random spaces in the house?" he asks, unsure if he's understanding her correctly. 

"It was just - it was really  _ exciting _ , going into a room and wondering if you were gonna come in and take me," she says. She fiddles with his undershirt, her fingers twirling the hem of it. "And it was quite sexy knowing that I could make you feel that way even though nothing remotely arousing was happening."

"Just you existing is arousing, Kingston, you should know by now," he tells her seriously, and she hides her smile in his chest. "And I'll be happy to show you how arousing again."

"You're wonderful, darling," she whispers into his shirt. 

"Only because I have you, love." he whispers back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you enjoyed this very fluffy chapter! don’t forget to leave a comment :)


	3. we can learn to love again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “A drive-in movie?” She asks when they pull up in the area. The place is empty, and the movie is paused on the big screen in front of them. Matt reverses the truck in the middle of the space. “I didn’t know people still went to these.”
> 
> “There are still a few of these around,” Matt says.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> get ready for a whole lotta sap my guys. quarantine's got me feeling lonely lmaooo  
> Chapter title from 'Just Give Me A Reason' from Pink ft Fun

“A drive-in movie?” She asks when they pull up in the area. The place is empty, and the movie is paused on the big screen in front of them. Matt reverses the truck in the middle of the space. “I didn’t know people still went to these.”

“There are still a few of these around,” Matt says. He looks at her in the passenger seat, a smile firmly fixed on his face from the excitement. “I picked the movie.”

“They let you do that?” She asks in surprise.

“I asked very nicely. And then I paid them,” he says cheekily, and she rolls her eyes at him. “Just for the two of us.”

“Did you buy this place out?” She asks him, eyes wide. They widen even more when he nods. “Matt! We said nothing too extravagant!”

“This is a drive-in movie, not a five star restaurant!” He points out. “Which I was thinking of, before you said you didn’t want to spend too much.”

She shakes her head at him, though she’s smiling. 

“Look, I brought our own food and everything, so no spending at the concession stands,” he points at the blankets draped over bundles at the back of the rented truck. “And I prepared everything you like.”

She gives him a skeptical look. “You did?”

“I had help,” he admits, and she smiles. “Come on, the movie’s starting in a bit.”

They climb out of the truck and Matt helps Alex onto the back, where a number of blankets and pillows have been set. He’d prepared a very comfortable picnic, and Alex can’t help but marvel at how he managed to come up with something so thoughtful and romantic. 

“So,” Matt begins, whipping the last blanket off and revealing a spread of different dishes. “We’ve got baked potatoes, fettuccine alfredo, buffalo wings and some calamari. And a tub of popcorn for if we finish before the end of the movie.”

“Oh thank God,” she sighs gratefully, scooting over closer to him. “I’ve had nothing but awful salads for  _ months _ .”

“I don’t know why you insist on going on a diet, you look gorgeous regardless,” he says, frowning at her. 

“You’re my husband, of course you think that,” she replies. “You know how it is for women in the industry.”

His frown deepens. “I wish it wasn’t that way.”

“So do I, darling,” she says, before spotting a bottle of wine. “Is that red or white?”

“Red,” he answers. There’s a flash of light on the screen, and it starts blinking slowly. “Ooh, that’s the signal. Five minutes.”

“What are we watching, by the way?” She asks.

He flashes a smile at her, reaching for the paper cups in the corner. “I wanted to watch The Wedding of River Song.”

“The kiss that made you fall in love with me?” She asks teasingly. 

“One of the many things, yes,” he says, handing her the cutlery. “And I realised that we’ve been together for almost ten years but we haven’t watched the episodes we were in together.”

“Well, we watched the first episode we did together, remember?”

“That doesn’t count, Karen was there and we weren’t together yet,” Matt points out.

“Right,” she says. “You know, I really did try incredibly hard to resist you. And whatever you felt during the kiss, I felt a bit of that too.”

“I know,” he grins smugly. 

“Only a tiny bit, though. Nothing compared to what you must’ve felt, falling in love with me and everything,” she continues, just to tease him a little for that smile on his face. 

“You are so mean.”

“Aww,” she says, a mock pout on her face, imitating the one on his. She lifts her hand and taps under his chin. Her other hand reaches for a calamari ring, bringing it to his mouth. “Come on, I’m sorry. Take the calamari as a peace offering.”

He resists at first, his lips remaining closed against it, but then he opens his mouth wide and bites down on her fingers, laughing as she retreats her now red finger quickly. 

“Oh, I hate you,” she says, though she’s smiling. 

“Now we’re even,” he says satisfactorily. 

The show starts and they start dividing the food between them, talking and reminiscing about what they did on set. There were some really amazing moments Alex can’t believe she’d forgotten, and some hilarious pranks they pulled off together. 

Karen shows up on screen first, and Alex smiles. 

“I miss them,” Matt says, and Alex nods in agreement. “All of us have been so busy and I haven’t talked to them in ages.”

“Me either,” Alex says. “The last time I spoke to Karen was over the phone a few months ago. And Arthur’s been doing so many plays lately, it’s hard to catch him.”

They chat even more about the crazy shenanigans that Arthur and Matt used to pull on Karen, and how she always got them back eventually, even if it took her months. Alex would always be the one helping Karen behind the scenes, giving her ideas and tips on how to improve her pranks, but she was always tremendously tight-lipped when the boys asked her for help.

They finish their food as the conversation fades, and Matt starts putting all the empty tupperwares in a far corner with the trash. He pours Alex another cup of wine and notices that they’re almost done with the episode.

“You know, when we were filming this episode, I started writing letters,” he says.

“To who?” She asks, though she doesn’t take her eyes off the screen.

“You,” he says softly. 

That catches her attention. She lifts her head and looks at him, frowning. “Me? I never got any letters from you.”

“I was too embarrassed to send them,” he confesses. “I thought they were a very worn cliche and you didn’t really seem like the type.”

“I would’ve loved to read them,” she says sincerely. 

“I know now. I still have them, actually,” he says. “I kept all eight of them, even after we got married.”

“I want them,” she says immediately, and he chuckles. On the screen, River and the Doctor are getting married. “I can’t believe we’ve been married seven years and you never gave them to me.”

“I honestly forgot about them,” he says truthfully. “After we got married, I stopped writing them. But that,” he points to the screen, where both of them are kissing and time is restarting, “is why I started in the first place. It really caught me off guard, how I never even realised that I was falling for you until I was halfway there. And I had no idea if I even stood a chance, so putting it in a letter was all I could do to save me some dignity.”

“Will I ever get to read them?” She asks, tilting her head at him and asking sweetly, batting her eyelashes at him to make him laugh.

“Would you prefer me to read them to you?” he offers., “That was - sort of the plan, actually. For me to read the letters to you. It felt more romantic somehow.”

“No, you’re right,” she agrees. “Please read them to me.”

He taps her on the nose. “All in due time, love.”

She pouts but he kisses it away, nudging his nose with hers gently. She smiles, her eyes bright as he pulls back, and suddenly the screen in front of them melts away and neither of them can take their eyes off each other.

“I’ve missed you,” she whispers softly. “I love working but it’s getting harder and harder to spend time away from you.”

“I know, love,” he whispers back, tucking her hair behind her ear. “But we’ve got time now - lots of it. I can’t wait to spend it with you.”

She leans into him as he wraps an arm around her shoulders, pressing her into his side. She closes her eyes and breathes in deeply, savouring his scent and realising with an aching pang in her heart that they haven’t been this close for so long. 

“I don’t know if I can take it anymore,” she says, her voice muffled. He looks down at her, concerned. She isn’t looking at him, which probably means that she can’t bear to see his face when she speaks - which almost always means something bad. “I don’t want to stop working but I don’t want to feel like this every time one of us has a job.”

“Alex? What are you saying, sweetheart?” he asks, just a hint of fear in his voice.

Alex detects it immediately, and she lifts her head to look at him, eyes wide. 

“Darling, no - don’t - I’m not leaving,” she says reassuringly, holding him a little tighter. He nods once but the look on his face is still solemn and she sighs, resting her forehead on his shoulder. “I just wish there was a way for us to just - I don’t know -  _ be  _ together while working. I hate feeling disconnected from you. We didn’t even  _ realise _ that we had a problem until someone pointed it out - what if that continues and we drift further and further apart? I don’t think I’ll be able to survive watching you fall out of love with me.”

She finishes in a quiet, timid voice, like the very thought scares her. It scares him as well - that she could ever think that falling out of love with her is a possible thing. If anything, he’s never been more in love.

“Alex, you won’t ever have to watch me do that, because it’ll never happen. Never, okay?” he says, and he can already hear her protests, can already predict the  _ but darling, you don’t know that _ she’s sure to answer with, and he continues before she can interrupt. “And don’t tell me that I can’t know that, because I do. I just  _ do _ . I’m never falling out of love with you because even during those months, I knew one thing - I knew that I was completely in love with you, that I’d be useless without you. I was completely sure of that, Alex, just as sure as I am now - even more so, in fact.”

“Darling,” she whispers, her eyes glassy. She closes them for a moment, breathing in deeply. “I just hate feeling like that.”

“Me too, love. But we’ll figure something out, won’t we?” he says, squeezing her shoulder and pressing her tighter to his side. “We could do something together once a week, or maybe you can come out with me to one of my parties, and I’ll join you on set for lunch every once in a while.”

She nods. “We’ll work it out,” she says quietly. Looking up at him again, she presses a kiss to his shoulder. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be worried, especially after seven years but - ”

“No, don’t - don’t apologise,” he says. “I’m glad you said something instead of keeping it to yourself.”

She nods, and they stay there quietly, holding each other tightly and breathing each other in. Even though they’d kept up the routine of falling asleep together throughout Alex’s promotions, they’d barely shared moments of intimacy like these - these were always something of a luxury, because Matt had been particularly careful about not pushing Alex for too much in case she was too tired. Alex had been so exhausted during that time that she almost always fell asleep right after coming home from work. 

So he hugs her tighter to him, basks in her warmth and the scent of her floral perfume. The show has ended in front of them but he’s instructed the operators to play their usual shows, just in case Alex wanted to stay longer. And it doesn’t look like she’ll be moving anytime soon.

“We missed the last part,” Alex says, her voice still muffled against his chest. 

“Nah, we got all the important bits, anyway,” he says. “Are you tired? Wanna head home?”

“You promised to read me those letters, remember?” she reminds him. She sits up eagerly and gives him her full attention, smiling excitedly at him. “Come on, I wanna hear about how in love you were with me.”

He shakes his head fondly. “So mean, don’t know what I saw in you,” he mutters jokingly, and she pinches his arm in retaliation. “Okay, okay. Here, I’ve got them at the back somewhere.”

He rifles through the blankets, pushing empty food containers aside and a tub of half-finished popcorn before he grabs a small stack of letters, tied together with a string. He undoes them and places the string carefully in his pocket, before picking up the very first letter.

“This is the very first one I wrote to you. I even numbered them, so I could tell them apart,” he says, showing her the little numerical numbers he scrawled at the corner of the envelope. “You ready?”

“Hang on, let me make myself comfortable,” she says, adjusting herself so that they’re facing each other, legs crossed in front of them. “Okay.”

She nods enthusiastically, eyes wide, and he clears his throat as he begins to read.

_ Dear Alex, _

_ I never realised how beautiful you look. I know that you're sexy, confident, gorgeous and charismatic, but the smaller, softer things about you seemed to escape me until today.  _

_ It was the kiss. The wedding kiss. You said you could kiss me all night, and for a brief moment, all I could think about was actually being able to do that - to hold you, wrap you tightly in my arms with no one around us, and kiss you like nothing else matters.  _

_ When we pulled apart, all I could see was the softness in your eyes, the way your hair looks like a golden halo around your head against the light, your cheeky little smile. And somehow, only then did it occur to me how utterly beautiful and perfect you are.  _

_ You are magnetic, Ms Kingston. And you're trouble, but the good kind. The kind I wouldn’t mind being caught up in. I'm going to need to be careful when you're around.  _

_ Yours, Matt _

He finishes reading and looks up at her, trying to gauge her reaction. She looks completely caught up in it, like she can't quite believe that she's lucky enough to have this happen to her. His heart clenches in his chest. 

"Do you want me to continue?" he asks, just to be sure. 

She nods. "Please," she breathes.

_ Dear Alex, _

_ I have such a reaction around you. You have a way about you, an air of elegance and sophistication coupled with mischievous debauchery that makes me drawn to you. I have no idea why it's taken me so long to realise it, but I might be mad for you, Kingston.  _

_ You danced with me at the wrap party and I can't stop thinking about the way you looked. It should be a sin to walk around looking as good as you do. When you offered to dance with me, I could hardly contain how stupidly excited I felt. I know I should've manned up and asked you first but my thoughts kept straying to that wedding kiss and how luscious and soft your lips felt against mine - and I chickened out.  _

_ But as we danced, your eyes started to change - you looked at me like you wanted me. It could've been a trick of the light or my imagination, but I really hope it wasn't. Because I'll make a fool out of myself tomorrow if it was. _

_ I'll ask you before you leave for America - I promise I will. I hope you'll give me the chance to be yours.  _

_ Yours, Matt _

"You are such a sap," she says, biting her lower lip. She reaches out to hold his free hand, interlocking their fingers together. "Why did you hold onto them if you were never going to give me these?"

"I held onto the first two because I just wanted a way to tell you without really telling you," he says, and when she still looks confused he elaborates. "I liked you so much. It was really hard trying to contain all the feelings I had for you. So each time it got too strong and too difficult to hold it in, I'd write it down. And it was like my feelings had calmed down abit."

"And afterwards?"

"Well, I hadn't kicked the writing habit yet. When we were in the early stages of our relationship, I already knew I was completely gone for you," he admits as she squeezes his hand. "I was trying not to scare you with how…  _ intense  _ my feelings for you were. And when we were official, it stopped for a while, until we had that fight. And then we got married and writing love letters to you became redundant because I could just tell you how much I love you and that I'd be in a ditch without you."

She smiles at him fondly, her eyes glassy. "I want to hear all of them."

He brings her hand to his lips, keeping it there as he reads.

_ Dear Alex,  _

_ You are so wonderful. Every time I think I’ve finally understood how wonderful you are, you go and do something even more wonderful. There’s no limit to your wonderful-ness.  _

_ It’s been three months. Three whole months with you. I can’t believe I’ve gotten this far with you - I can’t believe you didn’t slam the door in my face when I asked you out to dinner that first time. I was convinced throughout our first date that something would go wrong, that the other shoe was waiting to drop - but I didn’t spill wine on your dress, nor did I make an absolute fool of myself, thank God.  _

_ I have a secret to tell you. It might change everything - I’m fairly positive that it will, if I tell you. You might not be ready to hear it, and I don’t want to push too far. So I’ll write it here, and if I ever send this, hopefully it will be far into the future, where we’re both living happily together.  _

_ I love you. I love Alex Kingston.  _

_ There. I’ve said it. I love you, Alex. And it wasn’t really hard for me to realise that I am utterly, deeply in love with you, but to realise just how far I’d fallen was something else entirely. Just the realisation that I never want to let you go; that I want everyone to know that you’re mine and I’m so, completely, utterly yours - it took me entirely by surprise. _

_ I still remember when I realised. I hope I never forget that moment. You’d just woken up beside me, and I was watching you sleep. You were snoring - you snore when you’re tired, don’t even try denying it. Anyway, I was shaking you awake and you were stirring, your hair all over the place. Then you turned the other side and groaned, “Five more minutes.” _

_ Five more minutes. That’s when I realised that I would gladly have you by my side for five more minutes, for five more days, months, years. If you’ll have me (and I really, really hope you will), I’ll let you have five more minutes for the rest of our lives.  _

_ Completely, utterly yours, Matt.  _

Matt reads the rest of the letters with her hand brushing his lips as he talks, and he knows that she’s crying, because she has that little jerking movement she does when she cries, but he can’t look at her, or he’ll start crying too. He just grabs her hand tighter, starts placing kisses on the back of her palm randomly as he reads, until he finally reaches the last letter he wrote - number eight. 

“Just one more,” he tells her. He looks up at her and sees tears silently streaming down her face, her other hand grabbing a corner of the blanket draped over their laps and dabbing it at her eye. “Are you okay?”

She nods, but she doesn’t say anything. He reaches out towards her, adjusting her and himself so that she’s leaning against his chest with their legs stretched out in front of them. Holding her securely in his arms, he holds the letter out in front of both of them and starts to read again. 

_ My dear, sweet Alex, _

_ I haven’t stopped thinking about you since our row last night. You haven’t answered my calls or texts, and I’m worried that you might be serious. Please don’t leave me, sweetheart.  _

_ I know, now more than ever, that we’re meant to be. I know that going public was going to be hard on us, but I never thought it would tear us apart. I pray it hasn’t, that you just need some time alone.  _

_ I need you to know that I don’t care what anyone else thinks. I don’t need anyone to tell me who I should love; who deserves my love is something I choose, on my own. And I choose you, Kingston, and I will keep choosing you for the rest of my life.  _

_ I know that you will keep giving yourself excuses - you’ll convince yourself that you’re not enough for me; that you can’t provide me with whatever you think I need in my life. But I just need you. You know how I know that? Because since the start, the very beginning, I've always been the one trying to get you to fall in love with me. I’ve been doing nothing but trying to impress you, and make you laugh and keep you by my side because I know if I stop - if I even so much as pause - I’ll lose you. And I never, ever want that to happen.  _

_ We’ve been together for two years and four months. And all that time I keep waiting for you to realise that I’m so utterly in love with you. I don’t think you understand just how completely I love you, because every time I say the words you look like you’re savouring every moment. Like you need to cherish it every single time because it will inevitably end. I will inevitably leave.  _

_ I’m still here, sweetheart. And I will tell you I love you a billion times over, every single day for the rest of our lives if that’s what you want. I will say it until that look in your eye turns into weariness from hearing me say it all the time. I will say it until you won’t need to worry about it being the last time I’ll say it, because there will always be another time.  _

_ So please don’t leave me. I can’t bear the thought of having to spend the rest of my life without you. It’s too long, and everything without you is bleak. Please, please don’t leave me.  _

_ I am yours completely. _

_ Matt _

When he’s finished, Alex is burrowing her face into his chest, tears still streaming steadily down her cheeks. She hugs him, wrapping her arms around his middle tightly and not letting go for several long moments. 

“I’m keeping those,” she says, her voice muffled against his shirt. He lets out a small chuckle and presses a kiss to her hair. “I love you so much. So, so much. I can’t express how much, because it’s too much.”

She leans up to kiss him passionately, her hand coming up to grip his hair. He kisses her back with equal intensity, pulling her closer. When they part, he stays close to her, their foreheads touching.

“Alex,” he whispers, and she closes her eyes, breathing him in deeply. “Do you want to leave?”

She knows what he means by it, the way his eyes question her, the way his hands are caressing her back, sliding up and down slowly. She knows that when they get home he will not waste a second before making love to her, but she also knows that she’ll hardly be able to wait for them to get home - just the thought of getting up and getting back into the truck is too much time wasted, time that could be spent touching each other after months of no intimate physical contact. She won’t be able to wait that long for him.

“No,” she whispers back, her hands lowering slowly towards his belt. “Let’s stay right here, darling.”

“Here? Alex?” he asks, surprised, and she nods quickly, her breathing getting deeper.

“Please, I don’t think I can wait,” she pleads softly, and he just can’t deny her anything. “How much longer do we have this place to ourselves?"

“Half an hour,” he says, as she presses her lips to his urgently. He’s suddenly aware of all the things surrounding them, and all his letters getting crumpled and folded under them. “Love, wait, let me - we have to move a little further down - ”

Once they finish adjusting themselves, Matt is flat on his back with Alex on top of him, a blanket draped around her shoulders. She smiles down at him with loving, gentle eyes and he returns it, reaching up to caress her cheek softly. 

“You are so beautiful,” he whispers up to her, and he can see the little tinge of pink that appears on her cheeks underneath the streetlight. 

“So are you,” she whispers back, eyes moving over his face in wonder. “Gorgeous.”

“We can’t go slow,” he says to her. “We don’t have the time.”

“I know,” she assures. “It’s okay. We can go slow later, in bed. I just want you now.”

She leans down, and what starts as a chaste kiss quickly turns into something fervent and desperate. Her mouth slants over his and he welcomes her tongue in his mouth, his hands going down to grip her hips tightly against him. 

They moan together, trading breathless kisses to mouths and necks and shoulders - wherever they can reach. His eyes darken the way they always do when he wants her, and she sighs into his mouth as he tries to convey just how passionately he loves her. 

He flips them over, their legs entangling slightly, and he presses small kisses to her neck, sucking deliberately and leaving a mark. She bends her knees, planting them on the flat surface and lifting her hips. 

Their hands move feverishly. Her hands move swiftly under her dress and tug down her knickers. He tugs down the straps of her dress as she reaches out to unbutton his shirt. It’s a hard task to accomplish, especially since their lips refuse to part, but she manages, pushing the material off his shoulders and letting it fall beside them. 

“I missed this,” she says softly, as he works at his belt hurriedly. “Let’s do this more often.”

“Anytime you want, love,” he promises, shoving his trousers and pants down in one go and climbing over her again. He pulls her closer, wrapping her thighs around his waist as he reaches for her hands, intertwining their fingers. “I can do this with you every single day for the rest of our lives.”

He enters her with a sharp thrust of his hips, hands gripping hers tightly. She cries out, looking so utterly debauched that he can’t stand it. Her beautiful honey skin glows in the moonlight and she is so mesmerizing, so gorgeously hypnotic that he can hardly believe that this is his life - that this has been his life for seven glorious years. 

His lips trail down to her chest, her dress askew and her black lace bra showing. He starts thrusting and she gasps at the feel of him inside her, somehow intensified by all the months they’ve spent apart, and she shuts her eyes tightly at the sensations as he moves over her. 

She moans and sighs and cries out, emitting a sound with every deep thrust inside her. He longs to be deep within her forever; to never leave this lovely warmth of her. He wants to go deeper, but he knows they don’t have the time - he’ll just have to wait until they get to the privacy of home. 

“You feel so good, baby,” he whispers, and she loves that he only calls her that when they’re fucking. Something about it is unmistakably hot, only when he’s deep inside her clenching heat. “So tight and so hot, fuck, how did I go so long without you?”

“Fuck, I want it harder, darling,” she moans breathlessly, and he changes the angle slightly. She cries out even louder as his every smooth hard thrust inside her makes his pelvis scrape her clit. “ _ Fuck, _ you feel so fucking good inside me. I’m gonna let you take me however you want.”

“Shit, Alex, I’m gonna make sure you scream until you can’t talk anymore,” he promises, his hips stuttering as he imagines all the things he’s going to do to her. “I’ll go so deep inside you that you’ll think of nothing but my cock for weeks, and you’ll come back to me for more every fucking night. I promise you, Alex.”

“I’m never going so long without having you inside me again,” she says breathlessly, her breath hitching as he fucks her hard, the truck moving precariously along with the beat of his thrusts. “I’ve missed this so much -  _ fuck _ , right there! Don’t you dare fucking stop!”

She’s loud and he’s loud and they should be careful but he can’t bring himself to care, not when he’s fucking his gorgeous wife for the first time in months. He keeps moving, deep, deliberate strokes, stimulating her clit and making her whimper needily. He can’t believe he’s lived for months without hearing all the wonderful sounds that Alex makes during sex. He wants to hear nothing else. 

He grips her thighs and thrusts even harder, pumping his hips furiously into her. Her back arches and he presses his face into her neck, nipping at the skin there and loving every inch of her. He can’t wait for them to be in the privacy of their home; can’t wait to make love to her properly. He’ll undress her slowly, revealing every inch of her to his hungry eyes and worship her body all night long.

“Darling,” she moans, hitching her legs higher on his back. She gasps as he presses even deeper inside her. “Please, please.”

“Love you,” he manages, grunting as he thrusts. “Love you so much.”

“Yes, you too, so much,” she pants breathlessly, and he raises his head to look into her eyes. “I’m so close, Matt.”

“Me too, love,” he whispers, resting his forehead on hers. “Together?”

It is such pure bliss, finding release together. They can’t think of anything better than this - their sweat-soaked skin pressing against each other and the smell of sex in the night air, mixing with his cologne and her perfume. He collapses on her, feeling his muscles ache in the most delicious places, and she wraps her arms around his torso, not willing to let him go. 

He smiles and kisses her slowly, languidly. It is tender and gentle and the very opposite of what they just did but it feels so amazing to be with her. He’s always known that he’s the luckiest bloke alive but it’s moments like these - watching his beautiful wife right after making love to her - that really makes his heart swell three sizes. He just loves that she’s here with him, that she chose to be here with him.

He pushes her hair away from her eyes as he pulls away. “We should go before someone finds us,” he whispers to her, still so close to her lips. She tightens her hold on him, and he chuckles. “Come on, love.”

“We  _ could _ go,” she starts, trailing off a little. He raises an eyebrow at him and she smiles, before rolling them over suddenly. He yelps and she laughs breathlessly, her lips pressed to his cheek. “Or we can stay right here for a little while more.”

Her hands have started caressing his abdomen, trailing lower and lower. Her lips follow suit, kissing his neck, his shoulders, his chest and his stomach, making her way lower and lower. All he can see is her wild hair moving closer and closer to his cock, and he pushes her curls back so he can see her face.

She opens her mouth as his grip on her hair tightens, and he has no complaints.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave me a comment/kudos cuz they make me smile and there are very little things to smile about right now :) i hope you enjoyed the new chap!


	4. my whole heart will be yours forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Are you really sure you want to come?” he asks again on the day of the party, and she raises an eyebrow at him.
> 
> “Why do you keep asking?” she asks. “Do you not want me to come?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! sorry this took so long hehe. but here you have it: the last chapter! i hope you enjoyed it.  
> special thanks to my lovely beta, bernie <3  
> Chapter title from I Choose You by Sara Bareilles

“Are you really sure you want to come?” he asks again on the day of the party, and she raises an eyebrow at him.

“Why do you keep asking?” she asks. “Do you not want me to come?”

He gives her a look. “You know that’s not true,” he says. “It’s just - I don’t want you to feel like you  _ need _ to come just to - I don’t know - please me or something. I know you don’t really enjoy these things, and - well, if you won’t have fun I’d rather we not go at all.”

“The point of us doing this is so we’re spending more time together, remember?” she reminds him, and she reaches over to press a kiss to his lips. “Don’t worry, darling, I promise to enjoy myself tonight.”

He still looks unsure, like he feels like he’s forcing her, so she reaches over to cup his hand in hers. 

“Really, I’ll be fine. I even picked a dress out for tonight,” she tells him.

He perks up at that. “Have I seen this dress before?”

“You’ll just have to wait and find out,” she says vaguely, knowing that it’ll drive him crazy. He narrows his eyes at her and she smiles innocently. “Eggs getting cold, darling.”

His eyes are still narrowed at her as he picks up his fork and stabs at his omelette. “Have I ever told you just how much of a minx you are?”

“Oh, you have,” her smile widens and she bats her eyelashes at him. “And you love it.”

“Minx,” he mutters.

*

She doesn’t let him peek at her outfit as she gets ready for the party. He puts on his suit but leaves the first few button open and rolls his sleeves up a little. He wants to have fun tonight.

He waits for her in their living room, making sure to grab the bottle of wine they’d brought as a present to the party. He places it in the fancy bag that Alex had prepared and settles back on the couch, waiting for her.

He’s just beginning to wonder if she’s having second thoughts about the party when her voice rings down from the stairs, uncertain and nervous. 

“Darling, be honest with me,” she says, pausing at the first landing and presenting herself to him. “This dress isn’t too - too -  _ too _ \- ”

She’s wearing something floral, a whirl of colours. The length of the dress is modest, but really every other part of it isn’t. It has a long slit, up to her thigh, and her chest is pushed up and doing absolute wonders for her cleavage. The neckline on that dress is just sinful, and he bloody well hopes it isn’t backless too, because he’s only a man.

“Honey? You’re not saying anything. I think I’ll just go and change, give me ten minutes, darling, I’m so sorry -”

Her words register in his brain and he snaps into action. “No! Don’t change. You look perfect,” he says honestly. She tilts her head at him.

“I feel like I’m trying too hard,” she says uncertainly, smoothing her hands over the dress. “Karen got this for me the last time we saw each other, and she said it looked fine but I - maybe I should just change into that black one with the red flowers.”

“Alex, you look gorgeous. That dress was made for you,” he says, going up the stairs to tug her towards him. He smiles and kisses her, his hands going around her back and - thank God, the dress isn’t backless. “How am I supposed to keep my hands off you when you look like this?”

“Very easily?”

“Stop it,” he says, frowning at her. “You’re a goddess and everyone will be looking at you, men and women and everyone else. Besides, you can’t insult my wife in front of me.”

“I’m your wife.” Alex says.

“Yes. That rule extends to you too.”

She sighs, a mix of exasperation and fondness. She allows him to tug on her hand, leading her down the stairs. “You’re ridiculous, you know that?”

He gives her a cheeky smile. “You love me.”

*

They are greeted by the host, Rita, at the lavish mansion where she resides. She squeals in excitement when she sees Matt, hugging him and kissing his cheek affectionately, and when Matt steps aside to introduce Alex, she lets out an even more excited squeal.

“I was beginning to think he made you up!” she says jokingly, hugging Alex tightly. “I’m so glad you decided to come tonight. Don’t worry, I promise you’ll have an amazing time.”

“Thank you, Rita,” she says sincerely, warming up to the young girl quickly. 

“You look  _ amazing _ , by the way,” she says, eyes wide. “God, if I look even half as good as you in the future I’ll be happy.”

“Oh shush, you’ll look even better when you’re my age,” Alex says, as Rita takes her hand and leads her past the hallways. The house is already filled with people, dancing and laughing and entertaining themselves with various drinking games. They’re heading towards a darkened room, flashing lights and low music playing. Matt trails behind them, looking thoroughly amused at how Rita has completely ignored him in favour of Alex.

“Oh, I can only hope, Alex,” she says. “Matt knows where everything is, but there’s the kitchen, and the bathroom is two doors down, but after about an hour it’s wise if you just use the ones upstairs. There’s people out in the garden, too, if you want to have a fag.”

“Oh, Alex doesn’t smoke,” Matt tells her, and she shrugs.

“Well, I’m gonna go off and greet more people. I hope you have fun, Alex,” she says to her. “See you guys!”

She disappears before they can say anything else. Matt mostly looks amused but Alex is starting to feel a little overwhelmed, so she gestures that she needs a drink and he nods, weaving through the crowd to get to the kitchen.

“She’s very nice but that was like talking to a really eager bunny,” she says, and Matt laughs as he nods in agreement. “How do you know Rita?”

“We met at a party a few months ago, kept bumping into her at other events,” he says. “She’s a riot, you’ll love her once you get to know her better.”

“I’m sure, darling,” she says, accepting a drink from someone in the kitchen. Taking a few sips of beer, she immediately relaxes. “So, what do you young people normally do at a party like this?”

He gives her a look. “The same thing  _ you _ did when you went to parties. Dance.”

He leads her back to the room they came from and the music is far too loud and far too fast for her taste, but Matt still takes her hand and starts moving his body. He moves his arms and his hips and he looks so goddamn ridiculous that she can’t help but burst into raucous laughter.

“Come on, Kingston!” he shouts over the music. “Dance with me!”

She shakes her head but she joins in with a few safe moves, bopping to the music slightly. Matt continues making her laugh with his horrible dancing, and she loosens up even further when the song changes into something slower. He turns her around, pressing himself against her back and kissing her neck gently as he begins to grind his hips against hers.

“Darling, there’s people here,” she whispers to him.

“It’s dancing, Kingston,” he assures her, wrapping his arms around her waist and looking down at her. “And the view is so lovely from here I might never move."

She laughs and slaps his arm, looking up. Everyone around them is dancing so sensually and she frowns, feeling a tiny bit out of place. She doesn’t know how to move like that, how to dance the way Matt is dancing with her.

“Just follow,” he whispers in her ear, his hands reaching for her hips and moving them slowly against his. It might as well be sex because it’s so sinful, but she relaxes into it, reaching back and holding his head to hers as their hips gyrate slowly to the rhythm. “See? You’re doing brilliantly.”

“I’m a fast learner,” she quips, pressing against him even more intimately. She does a little manoeuvre, thrusting her chest out and grinding her hips back into his, and he groans low in his throat. “And I have a brilliant teacher.”

“Mmm,” he says, ducking to suck at the skin of her neck.

She loses herself in their dance, feeling hot and sexy in a way that she hasn’t in a very long time. The way Matt only has eyes for her makes her even bolder, no bother hiding the breathless giggles that escapes her every time he presses himself against her. His hands have moved further down, finding the slit in her dress and slipping his hands under, playing with the material of her knickers.

It is deeply arousing and she’s sure that Matt is affected the same way by their little display, if the way he’s kissing her shoulders is any indication. He breathes in the scent of her perfume deeply, keeping his lips on her skin and muttering softly about how gorgeous she looks as the song starts to end. 

They’re laughing and kissing as a new song starts, and she’s just about to mimic another awful move he made when someone she recognises enters her peripheral vision and she swivels, frowning.

The familiar face of the beautiful woman, just a little older than when she’d last seen her, is unmistakable. There is no doubt that Flora Davies is at this party - Matt’s ex-fiancee. 

“What’s wrong? Oh,” Matt realises immediately, following Alex’s gaze and seeing Flora. Alex hasn’t seen Flora in a while, and it brings up very bad memories of the start of her and Matt's relationship, why she’d been so careful with him. 

He lays a hand on her shoulder comfortingly. “It’s alright. We probably won’t even have to speak to each other. There’s so many other people here, we’ll blend right in.”

“Matt, she thinks you broke up with her to be with me,” she reminds him. “Just hoping that this party is crowded enough isn’t enough.”

“I told her you had nothing to do with why I broke it off. I don’t understand why she doesn’t believe me,” he frowns.

“Because you took me on a date less than a month later. I love you, but not your brightest move, darling,” she pats his arm, and he gives her an offended look.

“Clearly it was, since this is what came of it,” he says, gesturing between them. 

“Stop being silly and focus!” she says. “What are we going to do?”

“We could just talk to her, catch up a little,” he suggests. “It was over a decade ago. I’m sure she’s over everything.”

Alex looks uncertain. “Why don’t you try talking to her?”

Matt sighs, looking reluctant. “Look, how about this - if I get the chance, I will talk to her. But if it doesn’t come up, I won’t push it. I haven’t spoken to Flora in years, love. It’ll be more than uncomfortable - for her too, I’m sure.”

Alex hesitates but nods, and Matt pulls her back into his arms with one firm tug. They begin to sway on the spot, and Matt can still feel the restless tension in Alex’s shoulders, so he presses a kiss to her hair and moves his hand up her back slowly. 

“Relax, Kingston,” he whispers into her ear. “Can you do that for me?”

It’s his voice, sweet in her ear and his hands on her body, caressing her skin gently that makes her melt further into him, resting her head on his shoulder. She breathes him in and starts to feel all the stress and worry leave her body.

His arm curves around her waist and hauls her against him so tightly it feels like he’s trying to meld them into one. He buries his face in the side of her neck and mutters against her, telling her that she worries too much and to take a deep breath. She hugs him tightly to her, almost as if she’s worried about what would happen if she let go.

They are separated soon after their fourth dance - it’s a miracle they even made it that far without being interrupted. But one of Matt’s friends from a previous show taps him on the shoulder to greet him, and after brief introductions, Alex lets Matt swan off with his friend.

She smiles reassuringly and winks at him as he goes, blowing a kiss across the room in a way she knows drives him crazy. She turns and faces a sea of young people, some dressed to the nines and some barely dressed at all, and she feels so horribly out of place that she begins to feel a headache set in. 

Her skin flushed, she heads for the stairs, remembering Rita’s advice to avoid the bathrooms on ground level after an hour. The second level is much emptier though some people are milling about in the rooms, chatting and enjoying themselves. Alex feels much more comfortable with this group of people who aren’t as inebriated as the ones below. 

She heads towards the bathroom and turns on the tap to splash cold water on her face, hoping to clear her head and get rid of the thumping in her brain. Flora’s presence had shaken her more than she cared to admit. 

Nine years ago, Matt had courted her fresh out of an engagement and she’d thought nothing of it, thinking it was merely a way for him to get over her. She never realised  _ he’d _ been the one to break it off, and she poured obsessively over the thought that she could’ve caused a relationship to disintegrate like that - like the marriage she’d had twenty years ago. 

Though Matt had never made advances on her before, it still clung to her heart and bothered her mind, a parasite in a relationship that was already tricky to navigate to begin with. She never thought that she could ever be the kind of woman to get in between two lovers like that, even unintentionally. And the thought that she might have done so ate at her, so much so that being with Matt became a guilty pleasure, and it delayed them going public by two and a half years. 

She’d never asked Matt. Sure, they discussed it a few times, when they were talking about previous heartaches and relationships, but he never explicitly stated that he’d broken up with Flora to be with her. And she’s not sure she can handle him admitting it so casually if it were true. 

When someone knocks impatiently she exits the bathroom and moves quickly through the hallways, desperately looking for an empty room to brood in. She finally hits the jackpot when she comes across a small balcony, shutting the double doors behind her and taking a deep breath, the smell of alcohol and cigarettes filling her lungs. 

She gets a full five minutes of peace and quiet before Matt’s familiar voice floats up to her, attempting to sound hushed and private. Looking over the railing, she realises with a jolt that the balcony she’s in is situated right above the gardens, and she sees a hint of the top of Matt’s head come into view. 

“...to talk for a minute,” he says. 

“A minute is all you have, Smith,” says another familiar voice, and Alex’s chest aches with recognition when she realises he’s talking to Flora. 

Alex is struck with a choice to leave and let them have their privacy or stay and listen in on their conversation. Though she knows it’s wrong, curiosity claws at her heart and plants her feet to the ground like a deeply rooted tree. 

“Flora, I know you’ve got someone but -”

“Please do not tell me you’re about to proposition me when your wife is right here with you.” Flora cuts in, her tone serious with just a hint of disbelief.

“What? No! No, Flora, Christ, I was - no. I love Alex. She’s - well, she’s the reason I’m doing this, actually,” he admits, and Alex feels her heart swell. “I feel horrible about how we left things. I pushed it to the back of my mind years ago but I know I could’ve handled it better and I apologise for that. I never meant for it to hurt you.”

“But it still did. And watching you go off with Alex only two months after we ended was really, really hard,” she says softly, and Alex can imagine her beautiful face, filled with pain and heartache as she talks. “And I knew that we were already done but it hurt that you moved on so quickly.”

“I’m sorry. I know it was hard for you. But I’m so thankful that you kept it a secret for us,” he says sincerely. “And you know, you made me grow up. You were the first person I really took seriously. And I really loved you - but not in the way you deserved.”

“I know,” Flora says, her voice quiet. “I’m happy for you. Alex is wonderful, and you look nice together. It’s quite sweet that you’re doing this because she asked.”

“Thank you,” Matt says, and Alex can hear the grin he has on his face even though she can’t see him. “She really is. I’m happy for you too.”

“So… friends?” Flora asks tentatively. “It’s been a decade, I think I can handle that much.”

“Friends,” Matt confirms. 

*

“There you are. I got you a drink,” Matt says, interrupting Alex’s thoughts as he strolls into the private little balcony she’s been hogging for the past half an hour.

“I thought you’d be dancing with John,” she says, turning around to face him with a smile and accepting the drink from him. “Thank you, darling.”

“Cosy spot,” he comments, looking around them. “Never seen this place before.”

“I needed the quiet for a while,” she says. She leans against the railing and feels Matt wrap his arms around her, embracing her gently. “Did you have fun with your friends?”

“They were asking for you,” he tells her, and he pouts when he adds, “and then they accused me of making you up. I think they’ve been talking to Rita.”

Alex chuckles. “I’ll meet them later, before we go back. Promise.”

The silence stretches between them as Matt presses soft kisses to her jaw and neck. Alex knew Matt was always affectionate and she loved that part of him that wanted to cling to her - even more so now, after the conversation she heard between him and Flora. 

“You smell good,” he whispers against her skin, and she smiles. 

“I always smell like this,” she says.

“You always smell good,” he says.

She rolls her eyes good-naturedly.

“I spoke to Flora,” he starts casually, and she turns to look at him. “We talked for a bit.”

“I know. I heard you,” she admits. “Not intentionally, though. I just came in here when I heard your voice and I just… ended up hearing the whole conversation.”

She turns her body to face him and looks at him seriously. “Thank you for doing that. I know it wasn’t easy.”

“It was important to you,” he says, like it’s enough reason for him to do anything. 

She loves that he’s so attentive like that, that he pays attention to her because he wants to. It makes her heart swell so much when he gets that look in his eyes - that soft, tender look that’s just so loving she can hardly believe it’s meant for her. 

“Are you going to tell me  _ why _ it was so important?” he asks, and she knows she has to answer honestly. 

“Because I thought I was a rebound for her,” she says, and he frowns. “When we first went out, you’d just ended it and I was sure it was just a way for you to let some steam off and get over her at the same time. I - I didn’t realise you were  _ serious _ until - well, until you told me you loved me.”

“But - but I - I called and texted all the time and I gave you gifts and -”

“I know,” she says guiltily. “I thought you just wanted someone to do all that with. I wasn’t - I didn’t know - and I was scared.”

“I know you were,” he says. “But I convinced you, didn’t I?”

She shakes her head. “No, I was scared of something else. When you told me you were serious about me, I - I was afraid that  _ I _ was the reason you broke up with Flora. I - I never wanted that to happen to anyone else, let alone be the cause of the end of a relationship. It scared me that you felt that way because - then I’d done one thing I swore I’d never do to another woman.”

“Alex,” he says quietly. 

“I was terrified,” she whispers. “But I’d already fallen so deeply in love with you.”

“It wasn’t you,” he says softly, assuring her. “I didn’t - I mean, I realised my feelings at a really bad time, but - things were already going wrong, long before you entered the picture. We were stressing and - and we kept changing our minds about the wedding - we were already doomed when I fell in love with you, sweetheart.”

She remains silent, the corner of her eyes growing wet slightly but she ignores it. He hugs her tight, placing their drinks on the railing and wrapping his arms around her securely. 

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asks, quiet and unsure. His hand moves soothingly up and down her arms, trying to comfort her. "I would've told you. I had no idea this was weighing you down."

"I was terrified that I was right. I don't think I could've handled that," she replies, looking straight at his lips instead of his eyes. "I don't know what I'd have done if you said you left her for me. I would've felt so much guilt that we'd never have gotten this far. And by that point, I was too far gone to jeopardise what we had for anything."

He puts a hand under her chin and lifts her head to meet her eyes, looking at her seriously. He closes his eyes and leans his forehead against hers, breathing in deeply. 

"I love you  _ so  _ much, Alex," he breathes. "I wish - I wish you could've told me sooner, so you didn't have to carry all of that. But I understand. And I love you all the more for it."

"I love you," she whispers back, cupping his cheeks with her hands. "More than anything."

He leans in and their lips meet gently, her mouth opening under his. He pulls her in closer like he did on the dance floor, their bodies pressing against each other's. She wants to feel him all over her, skin on skin, lips on lips. He wants nothing more but to breathe in all of her, to make love to her and worship her, to make sure she never ever feels afraid again. 

"Darling," she whispers hoarsely between kisses, panting breathlessly. "Someone will see."

"Let them," he answers, his lips trailing down her jaw and neck, kissing her shoulders and nipping softly at her skin. "I'm not stopping for anything now." 

"Matt," she whispers, but she lets herself get sucked into another kiss, tilting her head to give him more access. He slows down, waiting for her to tell him to stop. "Please don't stop, darling."

"You sure?" he asks seriously, and she nods, hands moving past his jacket and caressing his abs through his shirt. 

"Mm," she moans against him, pulling back to give him a smirk. "Afraid you won't be able to keep it down?"

He bites her skin roughly for her cheek and lavs the spot with his tongue, making sure he makes a mark there. 

"I'll make sure  _ you  _ won't be able to keep it down," he growls, his hands already playing with her knickers at the slit of her dress. "Just you wait, Kingston."

He lifts her up, holding her against the railing. She wraps her legs around him, anchoring herself on him as their lips meet again and again. He pushes her knickers down to her knees roughly, rutting his hips against her slowly.

Reminded of their dance earlier, she moves against him in kind, throwing her head back and moaning breathlessly at the feel of his trousers rubbing against her. He groans and grips her tighter, lips seeking for any part of her he can reach as their hips move sensually, rubbing against each other. 

She can feel him hardening, and she encourages him with little moans and whimpers, licking at his neck and biting down on his pulse.

"Come on, darling, I'm so ready for you," she whispers breathlessly in his ear, one hand squeezing between them to rub at his bulge. "Can't wait for you to fuck me."

"God, you are so sexy in that dress," he growls, rocking his hips harder against hers. They're practically dry humping each other now, but neither of them seem to mind. "Fuck, Alex, the things you do to me - so gorgeous, so bloody beautiful."

He is thrusting and she is bouncing and they're moaning loudly, using the pounding beats of the music below them to cover the sounds they're making. He leans in and reaches for her lips with his, kissing her so desperately and passionately that she feels such a  _ need  _ take over her body. 

"Please, Matt,  _ please _ , I want you inside me," she pleads, still bouncing against him as he thrusts up to press his erection against her cunt. "Please, I need to feel you fuck me."

It kills him to stop but he does, setting her down to pull himself out without undoing anything. He takes her leg and presses it to his hip, pressing her back painfully into the metal railing behind her. His other hand travels up her back to tug at her hair, pulling her head back for a bruising kiss and jolting his hips against hers, entering her with one stroke.

She gasps into his mouth and his tongue plunders hers, hooking her leg higher onto his back so he hits that lovely spot inside her that makes her see stars. 

It just feels so  _ good _ and she can't help the moans escaping as he fucks her, his cock pounding into her furiously in an  _ in out in out  _ motion. It's been  _ years  _ since they've done anything as risky as this and the thought that someone might catch them fucking, right here out in the open, turns her on much more than she's willing to admit. 

"You feel so good," he grunts against her neck, his face buried there as his hips move feverishly against hers. His other hand lifts her other leg and suddenly he's in so deep all she can do is stand there as he fucks her. "So wet and tight and so - so fucking exquisite. And all mine. All fucking  _ mine,  _ Alex."

"All yours," she agrees. Her back is aching against the railing and she's sure that it will bruise, but it doesn't matter because he's fucking her. "And you're mine. All of you."

"God, yes, yours. All yours," he gasps, as she wraps her arms around his shoulders to hold herself up. "How can I belong to anyone else when I have you?"

They moan together as his hips snap up to meet hers, faster and faster, Alex crying out loudly with every thrust. He growls, telling her how sexy she looks, how lucky he is to have her, how she's the most gorgeous thing in the entire universe. She whimpers in response, reaching up to kiss him desperately, and when he pulls back, breathless, her lips continue to his jaw, mouthing at his skin. 

One of his hands grips the railing behind her while the other holds her up against it, and he shifts a little so that his cock strikes her clit with every thrust. She's so hot and wet and tight around him and it's too much - too good - too  _ Alex  _ and he cums with a cry, her muscles undulating around him while he buries his face in her hair. 

She follows a few seconds after, arching her chest and throwing her head back against the night air. It takes them both a few moments to regulate their breathing, and Matt presses a kiss to her eyelids as he eases out of her and sets her back down on slightly shaky legs. 

"You're so perfect," he tells her fondly, righting her skirt around her legs. 

She says nothing, leaning forward to press herself into him as he makes himself decent. She presses a kiss to his chest, sweat matting the material to his skin. He smells of sweat, sex, alcohol and that wonderful cologne he wears, the one that makes her weak in the knees.

"I hope no one heard you screaming," he teases, and she slaps him on the shoulder. 

"Well you certainly didn't manage to keep your voice down either," she shoots back, running a hand through her hair and wishing she brought a hair tie so that she didn't have to deal with all the mess. 

His phone interrupts whatever retort he had on the tip of his tongue, and as he looks at his phone screen he groans. She lifts an eyebrow questioningly and he shows her the tiny preview message. 

_ Rita _

_ Once you've finished shagging on my balcony, John wants to meet Alex _

"Oh my god," Alex says, feeling both amused and mortified at the same time. "How am I ever going to look at her again?" 

"It'll be fine, Kingston," he says reassuringly, snagging her waist so she can't pull away from him. "She'll think it's a laugh, honestly. And this isn't the first time something like this happened at her party. Last month, she told me some random bloke and his girlfriend held the bathroom up for two whole hours, Lord knows what they were doing in there."

Despite herself, Alex feels a smirk pulling at her lips. "Having fun."

Matt grins at her. "Exactly. So it's okay. I promise. We can trust Rita and the rest," he says. 

Alex sighs. "I'm rubbish at parties, aren't I?"

"I don't know…" Matt says, trailing off as he presses his face into her neck and licks at her pulse point eagerly. "You've been quite good lately. Dancing, sex, sexy dancing," he laughs lowly, his breath hot against her skin and she knows damn well what he's doing but she lets him do it anyway. "More like you're  _ fantastic  _ at parties, love."

"You're only saying that so I'll follow you to more parties and shag you there too," she says, though she tilts her head so that he has easier access. 

He hums against her neck, his arms tightening around her waist and she feels the vibrations to her core, making her squirm against him. 

"Maybe," he whispers against her, his lips trailing down to her shoulder. "Or maybe I'm saying it so you'll shag me right here, one more time."

She laughs, drunk with affection and love her husband gives so readily. "You're so insatiable."

"You're just too sexy, sweetheart. I told you I wouldn't be able to keep my hands off you in this dress," he says, gathering her into his arms and pressing his lips on her face.

She smiles even wider, turning her head to capture his lips in a sweet, tender kiss. “Later, you can have me all night long.” she promises, catching her lip between her teeth. 

He hums against her skin, his tongue darting out to taste her neck. “I’ll hold you to that. 

*

Alex sighs contentedly as she plops herself down on the sofa, reaching for the remote control and flicking mindlessly through the channels for something to watch. Matt is doing the dishes from their dinner in the kitchen with the promise to finish up quickly and join her for a little cuddle time. 

It’s been so nice just  _ being  _ with Matt, without work or any other commitments. They only have about two weeks before Matt starts pre-production for his movie and then the cycle will likely continue again. 

She knows they’ve gone through this before, but still just a tiny part of her can’t help but fear that this time might be the last. 

Pushing that depressing thought out of her head, she reminds herself that since they’ve discovered their problem, things have been so much better between them. They’ve made more of an effort to spend time together, to talk together, to enjoy each other’s company. She feels more in love with him than ever and she knows without a doubt in her heart that Matt loves her with all of his. 

She starts shivering slightly and turns, noticing that their windows are open. Matt had insisted on letting the sun in while she did her normal yoga routine in the living room, ogling her from the loveseat. She’d rolled her eyes at him, shaking her head at his predictability. 

She stands, hurrying to shut the windows before another gust of wind hits her, drawing the curtains slightly so that they’re just able to see the outside. 

“Stay there.”

She frowns and turns around to see Matt looking at her, eyes dark. “What, here?” 

He doesn’t answer, but his eyes move up and down her body and she can feel herself flushing in response - it’s ridiculous how he makes her react like this, even after seven years. 

“Darling, we just ate - ” she tries, but he raises an eyebrow at her, silent but commanding, and she feels a little heat flare low in her belly. 

“I’m still hungry,” he says, dark and enchanting and quiet. He starts stalking towards her, his eyes betraying hunger and lust and everything in between, and she feels her breath hitch when he reaches out for her, pulling her into him roughly. “For you.”

She would’ve laughed at the terrible line if she could but he surges forward and everything is forgotten. He kisses her and it’s desperate, lustful, rough and so,  _ so _ sexy and Alex’s breath is taken from her but she doesn’t mind because she’ll give it to him, give everything to him, give her breath and her heart and her body. She moans and his tongue is inside her mouth and he releases a breath, his hands in her hair and on her skin. 

He pulls back and travels down, his mouth open against her skin, sucking on her jaw and her neck and her shoulders, pressing her against the windows. Her chest heaves as she tilts her head up, letting him have at her the way he wants.

It’s so sudden, this shift from how they were at dinner to this, and she feels so confused but at the same time she feels hot all over, her flesh tingly and her knickers wetting steadily, and Matt shoves a hand between her legs, cupping her. 

“I’m going to fuck you right here,” he says quietly, sucking her earlobe into his mouth. She whimpers and feels him smirk against her. “Do you think the neighbours will notice?”

“Matt,” she whimpers again, hands clutching at him. “Matt, please.”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you? People right outside, watching you get fucked against the window.” he asks, smirk still in place as his hands grasp at the hem of the ratty, worn sundress she only wears at home. He gathers the fabric against her stomach and pushes his face into hers, their lips meeting for a small, brief, open-mouthed kiss before he whispers against her lips, “How many times do you think I’ve fucked you in this dress?” 

Her breath hitches again because  _ oh _ , there were so many times. The first time he stayed over and when he moved in with her and when they got married and all the days in between. He’d fucked her senseless in that dress with rage after so many of their fights, he’d made love to her against the kitchen counter in that dress, pounded his hips against hers while she was wearing that dress, animalistic lust clouding both their features.

“Fuck, Matt,” she pleads, and he grasps her bum in his hands, grinding hard into her, his erection tenting his trousers. “Shit, that is heavenly, darling.”

“You’re heavenly,” he says, and he reaches for her knickers, helping her pull them down to her knees as her hands roam under his shirt, snapping at the band of his pants playfully. “God, I want to fuck you so badly.”

“I want to taste you,” she whispers, and he groans against her as he shoves his boxers off, just enough before he hauls her against him by her backside again. “Want your cock in my mouth, darling, please - I - I want to feel you in my throat - ”

“ _ Jesus, _ Alex - fuck, baby,” he swears, breathless and hot all over, his heart pounding and his senses taken over by Alex, by everything about her. “I need to fuck you right now - later, I promise - you can suck the life out of my cock later - ”

Nodding, mindlessly agreeing as he hitches a knee against his waist, she cries out loudly as he pushes inside her in one deep stroke, feeling him stretch luxuriously around her. She feels a small moan stuck in her throat and her head falls back against the windows.

“I never get tired of the look on your face when I’m inside you,” he tells her, every feature exuding desire and craving, the very definition of lust. “God, I hope you look like that forever.”

“Only if you’ll fuck me forever,” she manages, her chest heaving as her hands rise to hold the edges of the window, knuckles white.

He smirks. “I’ll be fucking you till the day I die, Kingston, don’t you think otherwise.” 

He starts thrusting then, slow and hard, reaching deep inside her, and it’s bliss, it’s always pure bliss when they’re fucking like this, without care for anything but each other. 

“I’ll be rattling your bones when you’re 90,” he promises. “I’ll get a hip replacement so I can fuck you all day.”

She laughs breathlessly as he pulls back and thrusts back in, and the sound is stuck in her throat again. It feels so good and she never wants it to end, never wants to hear anything but the wet, slapping sound of their hips meeting again and again, never wants to feel anything but his cock driving so deeply into her, never wants to see anything else but Matt, his face scrunched in concentration as he fucks her.

“Stop holding back,” she manages, letting go of the windows behind her to claw at his back and his neck, pulling him in for a sloppy, wet kiss. “Fuck me like you mean it.”

“ _ Fuck _ ,” he swears again, and he stops for just a moment before lifting both her legs to his shoulders, driving relentlessly into her and taking her by surprise. “Scream for me, Alex. I want you to scream so loud for me, love. Can you do that?”

And then he’s pounding into her, driving his hard cock in and out of her soaking cunt, and it feels so fucking good. She is so wet and tight around him, her muscles sucking his cock in so good, and he does as she wants - fucks her into the wall, making her cry out with every thrust. 

She’s bouncing so hard against him and he can see her breasts bouncing under her dress, and  _ fuck _ it feels so fucking good to be inside her, he never wants to leave, wants everyone to know that he’s fucking Alex and never intends to stop. 

He can feel himself getting close, his thigh muscles straining with the effort of holding Alex up, and he reaches between her legs, the movement of every forward thrust making his fingers strike her clit repeatedly until she’s screaming, her voice high and loud around him. His other hand reaches under her dress to pull at her nipple and she’s gone, cumming so hard around him that he has to stop thrusting, feeling the sensation of her strong muscles undulating vigorously around his shaft. 

He manages a few more thrusts before he follows her, cumming loudly and crying out into her hair.

He stays inside her as they slump to the floor, both of them panting breathlessly as the world starts forming around them. She laughs, deep and throaty and her head hits the window with a dull  _ thump _ . 

He frowns at her. “Not the reaction I wanted after a mind-blowing orgasm.”

She tilts her chin up at him. “Who said it was mind-blowing?”

“Mm, the way your cunt pulsed around me,” he says, raising an eyebrow in challenge. 

She looks utterly debauched, like the inside of every porn magazine and she spreads her legs, presenting herself to him. He eyes her folds, the pink flesh glistening with remnants of him after their orgasm, and he’s hit with a sudden urge to make her cum once more with his tongue. 

“You’re salivating. You said you were hungry,” she says lazily, her eyes flicking down between her legs and back up to his, and the challenge is loud and clear -  _ make me cum harder _ . “So eat.”

“Oh,  _ yes _ , love,” he sighs, then he ducks his head and his tongue is quite occupied. 

**THREE YEARS LATER**

Having the chance to work together as a married couple after such a long time had been a dream for both of them. It took a lot of effort to overcome the hurdle they came across a few years ago, but now they were stronger than ever - it was such a relief for them to realise that they’d never been happier than when they were with each other. 

Now Alex is back on the Graham Norton show, with Matt alongside her this time, promoting their new TV series together. She sits sandwiched between Matt and another guest, smiling nervously at the audience and turning to Graham. 

“So the first thing we’re talking about tonight is Matt and Alex’s new TV show,” Graham starts after introductions, turning to the two and smiling widely. “It’s called Graver City and it starts streaming on Netflix tomorrow. What can you tell us about it?”

Alex takes the lead. “I play Ingrid, she’s a retired Detective Chief Inspector who was dismissed from service a few years ago. The story is mostly focused on her life, and as we get through the episodes you learn more about why she was dismissed from duty and how it connects to Matt’s character.”

“Right. So I’m Ingrid’s new neighbour who just moved into town,” Matt continues. “Ronan is a mysterious bloke, and he sort of mystifies the neighbourhood and everyone around him. He and Ingrid have a very intense love-hate sort of relationship.”

“Ah,” Graham says, a twinkle in his eye. “And the rating suggests that the two do consummate their love-hate relationship, don’t they?”

Matt’s cheeks reddens and he looks at Alex, who smiles plainly at Graham. “I guess you’ll just have to watch and find out.” she says mysteriously, her voice low. 

Matt stares at her, a wide grin spreading across his face as Graham laughs. 

“What is it like, working with each other?” Graham asks. “Well, you’ve worked with each other before on Doctor Who, but since then, you’ve gotten married to each other, and now you’re approaching ten years together. You see each other at home and now at work, too - is it not tricky, sort of separating your roles as coworkers and husband and wife?”

“It’s delightful,” Matt chimes in immediately, resting a hand on Alex’s knee and squeezing slightly. “As actors, you don’t get much say on your schedule so when we’re working on different projects we might not see each other for weeks at a time. It’s nice to work on the same set again.”

“And it’s quite different working together and coming home together,” Alex says. “And when we worked together on Who, we weren’t together yet, and we haven’t acted in the same production since. So now, acting on this as husband and wife - there’s a different sort of dynamic to play off. It’s rather refreshing.”

“And of course, Alex is just fantastic in it,” Matt gushes, his face shining as he gazes at her. She blushes, a smile blooming on her face as he continues. “She’s so wonderful and it really shows on screen. On set she’s always challenging me and all the other actors to give everything with every take.”

“Thank you, darling,” she says quietly, still red in the cheeks. 

“Oh, you’re too cute together.” Graham coos, grinning widely at her. “The rest of us are feeling more single than ever.” his smile deflates theatrically and he reaches out behind him to take a large gulp of red wine. The audience roars with laughter, and Matt and Alex let out a chuckle. “The show is great - it’s really interesting and has lots of twists and turns in the plot that you don’t really expect. It’s really good.”

“Oh, thank you,” Matt and Alex say together quietly, a pleased smile lighting their faces. 

Matt curls his fingers around Alex’s placing their hands on his lap. She smiles sideways at him, and he’s so caught by all of it - the lights, Graham’s voice, Alex’s eternal beauty. Everything takes his breath away and he lifts their hands, pressing a warm kiss to the back of her palm.

He knows he’s the luckiest man in the world. 

“So that’s Graver’s City everyone, streaming on Netflix from tomorrow. Thank you, Alex and Matt!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how are all of you? i hope you're wearing masks and practicing social distancing and keeping yourselves safe!!! don't forget to sanitise your hands often and not touch your face much. 
> 
> i hope you enjoyed the story! please leave me a comment down below if you get the chance :)


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